what I wrote in the middle of the night

20Mar05
I was looking at this notebook where I wrote all my dreams — before the notebook computer. At the top of the page I wrote:

You are all that you know enabled through life.

iI remembered writing something down, and that it was interesting, but iI did not know it was this. iI just thought it was something wweird, like other stuff that comes in the night, such as it is.

iI wonder if anyone said that — if it is some kind of quotation. It sounds like it could be. iI will look it up later, after iI get up today. iI wonder hwho said it? Knowing me, it was probably no one of interest oto me. Maybe it wwasn’t even anyone, though something at least similar must have been said my someone.

I ssedon’t have enough influence on anyone or any other part of civilization or even the earth in general to have such a quotation attributed to myself. And if such an occasion were to ccome, bbut then someone else more interesting will have said it.

WWhat it means is likely to be complex, as such simple and short sounding sentences are. It reminds me of one of those Zen koans, something to work over while you’re trying to balance of your little round pillow.

I can understand that “I am all that I know” but if that is true, why would I need to live? Knowledge in without form, so does it need to be “enabled through life” seems without complete sense. What is hthe reason that would cause me to need life?tThat’s one of those questions that have been around since the monkeys fell out of the trees, if you believe we were all once monkeys in the trees. But it’s on a personal lever, not why are we here, but why am I here?Though iI am more likely to ask — what am iI here for?

There has to be a reason, but iI ddon’t know what the hell it is.

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